Category Archives: Writing

If you talk like a dick and act like a dick, don’t complain if you’re treated like a dick

UPDATE: Mike Sheer has very kindly commented on this blog, and you can read our discussion below. I’ve edited the post to reflect his assertion that he has published all of the comments submitted to his own blog. Forbidden doesn’t … Continue reading

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Who wants to be a Welfare Millionaire?

Q: What group is most at fault for you being miserable? A – Immigrants B – The EU C – Welfare scroungers D – Bankers in their suits and ties All bullshit, of course. If you’re miserable it’s more likely … Continue reading

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Fucking Voldemort

When Andrew Mitchell did or did not say the word ‘pleb’ in the direction of a policeman (or, perhaps, not) he didn’t preface the word – which he may not have used – with the phrase “Anglo-Saxon word”. But this … Continue reading

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Twitter isn’t what I thought it was

Just the other day I tried to have a conversation on Twitter. I spent time honing my points, my comments, down to the 140 characters – a discipline which ended up exposing to me more clearly exactly what it was … Continue reading

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Buying books, stealing books

I have stolen from Stephen King. A series on the Guardian website has been working through all of King’s novels, from Carrie onwards, and the second article was about Salem’s Lot. It’s been years since I read it, and if … Continue reading

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Having children is about having more life, not less

Something I wrote for the Associated Press, in time for Father’s Day When I revealed that my wife was pregnant I didn’t expect to be told, “Well done!”. Of course I expected congratulations, but for becoming a father. Not for … Continue reading

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The etiquette of eating shit

In life, sooner or later, you’re going to have to eat shit. And it really ought to be your own. This is one of the first lessons we should teach our children. Okay. Maybe one of the second lessons, after … Continue reading

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